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The Man of our collective Dreams

The Man of our collective dreams...

Ever notice a certain trend in female fantasies? When it comes to the man of their dreams? Females tend to be obsessed with a certain kind of man. I've listed some of them below.

why are we obsessed with:

1. cowboys

2. knights (well i guess i get the whole knight on a white horse coming to save you from your problems)

3. french guys

4. english guys

5.rich guys (i suffer from this fantasy myself, but why does he have to be rich? y can't he just be able to pay his bills?)

6. Guys who have power and like to be in control (but we hate controlling guys?)

7.Men who have lots of experience. (to make him good in bed)

8. Dark haired guys with intense eyes.

9. Light haired guys with unique and beautiful eyes.

10.A bad guy. We want to save him.

have more? Add them

Things that will happen this yr:

1. A's in all my classes
       -Meaning I will do all my work, all my reading, all my homework...EVERYTHING.

2.Work on me
       -Eat better
       -Loose weight
       -buy clothes that fit my personality better
       -See a therapist and just talk.
        -find ways to boost my self esteem.

3. Get a boyfriend
       -A guy who i actually like
       -Not just for looks (although that is a plus)

4. Pay attention to the people around me
         - I will not let anyone's opinions depress and bring me down like I did last yr.
          -If a person is not driven, they do not belong around me.
          -I  will not hide who I am to suit anyone's opinions of who I should be.

5. Have fun, make more friends, be social, HAVE FUN.
          -Join a club where I can meet people and enjoy the things I love.
           -Go out more, not every weekend, but do college stuff.
          -Do things I've never done before.
          -Do things even if  i will be embarrassed or look stupid, it's time to let go of fear.

6.Save my money
             -To not be broke.

7.Go somewhere for my birthday
             -Save money so I can do something fun!!

8. Enjoy my dream school.
             -Spend less time worried what other people will think.
             -Make the films I want to make.
             -learn everything I can
             -Don't try and be in a contest.

9. My mom
             -Go home more, not for money
             -Call her not to  complain, but to see how she is.
             -Pay more attention to her and her feelings.
             -Be an awesome daughter.

10. My Dad
               -Be less angry, just completely let go.
               -Learn not to hope for what will never be.
                -Stop hating. Hate can only lead to hell.

This are my goals to make this school year be even better.
I am in a fitful mood. I can no longer sit nor, stand. I can't lay down, can't run around. Can't rest and most definitelycan't work. I haven't been working on the treatment for my latest film and I have not worked on my novel in weeks. I'm worried that my creative gene is depleting that, "The Bystanders" took it all out of me. I mean no doubt, once edited the film will be good. More then good. Amazing. Or that's what I've been hoping, but deep down inside myself I no longer believe it. I'm not quit certain that my amazing script was destroyed. Perhaps I should have given it to someone else to direct. Or maybe I should have waited until I knew more about the medium or gotten a better crew.

This film nearly cost me my friendships, then even now I'm not sure are completely in tack. I don't know what I'm doing about this film thing. Don't know why I decided to be an artist and a filmmaker instead of a lawyer like my mother wanted. All I do know is that film calls my name. When I go to the movie theaters are watch a film on T.V something about it calls my name. It screams "NAOMI!" at the top of its lungs until I hear and answer its call. I love it and I hate it all at once. It's my fate. I know that in the deepest corners of my heart. I was made to be a filmmaker. There is nothing in this world that I want more then it. It will keep me bound to it forever. I will either succeed of die trying, I know that. I was meant to create and to entertain. I know and accept that, although sometimes it's hard.

My internship ended today. I have complained and bitched and moaned and hated my internship. I think, because I am lazy. I don't really want to do work and when I'm not doing work I prefer to do it from my bed. With all the complaints I had toward my Outpost Digital/Radical Media. I loved it. I did. Loved the people, the atmosphere, the free food and the knowledge that I was seeing the world of advertising/ post production/ tv, etc at it's finest. That these people were some of the best in the industry. And I loved it. I loved how they helped me, how they made me laugh and how I made them laugh. I even loved the times when I hated it. The times where I felt that I was very much a woman in a mans world. Or when I felt like I was unattractive and that was what was keeping me from becoming the best. Well now I have thicker skin. Now I am ready for the true disadvantages in the film world and not just the ones I imagined.

Well, tomorrow I am off to do my hair and go on my last hooray with my old H.S friends before we all depart to college once again. Then, I am off to pack, prepare myself, buy some last minute things and then head off to NYU. New York University. The dream I had for so long. My pleasure and my bane. I love it, I do, but there is an added sense of pressure. The pressure that I have to be the first in my family to finish college .The pressure that I have to learn everything that they're willing to teach me. The pressure to be the best, to be noticed, to make a name for myself. And the pressure of being with my friends again. The friends who must love me, but in the back of my mind I always question.

I'd like to rid myself of all that pressure. To just go to the school I worked my ass off to get into and just enjoy it. There is plenty of time to worry about my career and to be the best, but sophomore year maybe isn't it. I'm still very much learning the works and I need to do so regally. And with grace.

Here I am agiain.

This is where I post the truth.  The whole truth, nothing, but the truth, so help me God. Lol